I’m sad. 
So sad that I can’t leave my bed.
Because it holds me down & even when I think I’m just dramatic,
I can’t help but feeling like a piece of shit. 

I’m sad.
And it drags me down under the surface,
Where I used to go because it was quiet and nice.
Where I used to go because it was a good place to hide.

But now it feels like I’m drowning down here.  
Like there’s nothing else but mourning and fear.
Probably because I don’t know anymore, how to get back up.
And the isolation – whilst it’s all I can do, it just really sucks.

I mean I’m not alone.  
And I’ve got food, a bed, a home. Still, I have reasons to be sad. 
And the realization of that is comforting, but also makes me fucking mad. 

„I HAVE TO MUCH TO SAY“ weiterlesen

I owe this night a poem

The album hasn’t even finished, yet,
and the song I always cry to is just starting.

The song is over now and I cried, hard. I am so thankful for this song, I am so thankful for this night and I would be even more thankful for it if I could stand behind it all fully, but I can’t.

That might be the reason I don’t talk about these things, that I’ll write about now, often, but we find each other in the details.

I owe this night a poem and I mean it.
I am so full of feeling,
so full of feeling alive.

„I owe this night a poem“ weiterlesen


I am forcing myself to write about this
because it is much, much harder for me,
but I left the table with conversations
that I could not really listen to, anyway,
because this is on my mind
and this poem is itching in my fingers.

A weeks worth of deciding, actually done in a week.
It’s done now, I guess, at least in this specific form.
I am sad.
Sad because I was so, so on board at the end, but it was too late.
It feels like I have to go through this change, I just started to slowly prepare for, anyway,
but differently and I don’t know how.

„TAOMIN“ weiterlesen

finally we might learn not to mind (too much)…?!

I’m breathing free
Free of Me
I feel chest explodes
and I drink Tea.
Life goes, flows
pap, pap, pa-pa-pa-pap
Into depth my days will lead
towards the sun in lightning-speed
with friends in union
with dust alone
Wawr! I live! Into world I’m thrown!
I spread my wings
-acceptance and power-
and surrender to
the Wind.


I want to write about this.
So, so badly.
This Language, this Platform, this Topic – Let’s go:

A weeks worth of conversation, just in one moment.
It’s still going, right behind me and in my head.
I am fed.
Fed for a weeks worth of diary writing, sleeping and letting my brain do it’s magic.
I now wish I cloud also just go and meditate,
but hey, I can write.
The topic is meta, by the way.
Not even going into abstract metaphors today.

„TUNAMO“ weiterlesen