There is distance, everywhere.„Distance“ weiterlesen
What would You do if You couldn’t fail?
So sad that I can’t leave my bed.
Because it holds me down & even when I think I’m just dramatic,
I can’t help but feeling like a piece of shit.
And it drags me down under the surface,
Where I used to go because it was quiet and nice.
Where I used to go because it was a good place to hide.
But now it feels like I’m drowning down here.
Like there’s nothing else but mourning and fear.
Probably because I don’t know anymore, how to get back up.
And the isolation – whilst it’s all I can do, it just really sucks.
I mean I’m not alone.
And I’ve got food, a bed, a home. Still, I have reasons to be sad.
And the realization of that is comforting, but also makes me fucking mad.
The album hasn’t even finished, yet,
and the song I always cry to is just starting.
The song is over now and I cried, hard. I am so thankful for this song, I am so thankful for this night and I would be even more thankful for it if I could stand behind it all fully, but I can’t.
That might be the reason I don’t talk about these things, that I’ll write about now, often, but we find each other in the details.
I owe this night a poem and I mean it.
I am so full of feeling,
so full of feeling alive.
I am forcing myself to write about this
because it is much, much harder for me,
but I left the table with conversations
that I could not really listen to, anyway,
because this is on my mind
and this poem is itching in my fingers.
A weeks worth of deciding, actually done in a week.
It’s done now, I guess, at least in this specific form.
I am sad.
Sad because I was so, so on board at the end, but it was too late.
It feels like I have to go through this change, I just started to slowly prepare for, anyway,
but differently and I don’t know how.
I was 13
you were slightly
touching my knee
I laughed a lot
trying to figure out
what to do, to say
how to make him
I’m breathing free
Free of Me
I feel chest explodes
and I drink Tea.
Life goes, flows
pap, pap, pa-pa-pa-pap
Into depth my days will lead
towards the sun in lightning-speed
with friends in union
with dust alone
Wawr! I live! Into world I’m thrown!
I spread my wings
-acceptance and power-
and surrender to
All the sorrows of the past
All the pain that does last…
there‘s no comfort
just a chest
to take it
I want to write about this.
So, so badly.
This Language, this Platform, this Topic – Let’s go:
A weeks worth of conversation, just in one moment.
It’s still going, right behind me and in my head.
I am fed.
Fed for a weeks worth of diary writing, sleeping and letting my brain do it’s magic.
I now wish I cloud also just go and meditate,
but hey, I can write.
The topic is meta, by the way.
Not even going into abstract metaphors today.
Yesterday I walked towards the stars
Being lost, not having a place, wearing myself out
The sky was beautiful, life was finally clinical
I wandered in the dark, watching the distant lights
Shifting towards and away from me.„life was finally clinical“ weiterlesen